hellodeer

there is a song that i heard during the credits of six feet under tonight. i remembered to look it up once i got home, and was happy to find that the song is called cold wind - and its by the arcade fire. i adore arcade fire, so its a good thing all around.
i like one part of the song where they say "and if you go to san francisco, lay. some. flowers. on. the gravestone.
cold wind blowin.

very fitting for the overly dramatic six feet under. but worth the ninety nine cent d.l.

sometimes i write out numbers because i never learned to type numbers in typing class. so i always get them wrong. i got bored when it came to the numbers lesson. it was boring.

once i sent an email to mr. beeson, thanking him for teaching the typing class at our high school. knowing the keyboard has been an advantage all-around. its just easier. i can type in teh dark, like i am doing now from the depths of my bed. in the dark of my room.

i opened up today - to only get a full-on denial of pretty much everything. that was exciting. really fucking tragic. i feel like breaking vases again. i mean tragic vases. so i finally opened up. and the recipient sat on my lap, played with my hair, whilst telling me to "spit it out deer". so there i sat, biting my tears. choking it out. grinding my teeth for an explanation as to how i could be so clueless, and him so ruthless. wow.

i tell my best friend in nyc about it, and he later sent me a one word text message: sorry.

if your going to san francisco. lay. some. flowers. on. the gravestone.

tomorrow i plan on running some of this anger out of me. and then i plan on taking my dog to the beach, flying a kite, and working on my silk sea scarf. that will be a fulfilling day. full of breaks and pauses. maybe a joint. hopefully a joint.

joint effort of course.

calilies grow wild here. they grow wild. so do other lillies. lilly of the valley grows wild. with actual abundance. i have about five vases of flowers going at one time. i have an idea for a ecalyptus wreath.

joint effort.

how many days will it take to land.
how many days to reach abandon.
oh. abandon.