i have money now. its no lie. there is no stress. there is money in my bank account? i don't understand it? life is better with money.
i can grocery shop. i can "throw things in the cart" and not flinch or go back through the store putting things away.
this sunday i put some wine in my cart. i thought i'd start with mondavi. did you know they are an organic vineyard?
you don't say.
well they are.
i taste some kind of cherrie. i don't know how to look for different tastes in wines. its of no fault but my own. i guess i should take a class.
on wine?
maybe so.
i really dig the singer "feist" right now. sure, she is cat power to the third power, but whatever. its cute for now, and we all smile and say "my moon my man" and mean it.
this guy on tv american idol no less, but i call it aol time warner tv, is wearing HEAVY eyeliner.
thats all i have for tonight. i'm going to go finish my bottle of wine.
and maybe float in the pool.
XO.
20’s
places I’ve lived:
New york
California
Plane rides:
Alaska-newyork
La-new york
San fran-new york
New york-san fran
Newyork-alaska
San fran-la
San fran-phoenix
New york-florica
Newyork-london
Newyork-liverpool
New york-denmark
Paris-new york
Road trips:
Nyc-vermont
Ny-maine
Ny-michigan
Ny-la
Sf-oregon
Ny-florida
Boys
Daniel
Pete
Mike
Mike
Times ive moved
Maple dr. – wainwright st.
Wainwright st - italy
Italy-wainwright st.
Wainwright st.-14th st.
14th – 11th st.
11th st – wainwright st.
wainwright st. – 33rd st.
33rd st – 3 mile hollow
3 mile hollow – 83rd st
83rd st – 14th st.
14th st – 83rd st
83rd st – larkin st
larkin st – cabin dr.
cabin dr – bessy st.
bessy st. – oak crest
97 – moved to ny. London, Applied to purchase
98 – suny purchase – art history, discovered nyc – broadway - museums, acting school, Elizabeth in rye,
99 – purchase, friends, pete, summer in italy, Europe with anna, photography class
00 – move to manhattan, prn, mike, photography
01 – radiohead, wtc, rye, abc, marcos party, Olivia visit
02 – 33rd st., robin, becky, laurie, 83rd st.
03 – prn, kat, stuart, 14th st, wellbutrin, robin, liverpool
04 – robin, mom thanksgiving, marathon,
05 – Alaska, ny-sf, Rowdy, car, beaches
06 – san Francisco city. Start company rowdy knits.
places I’ve lived:
New york
California
Plane rides:
Alaska-newyork
La-new york
San fran-new york
New york-san fran
Newyork-alaska
San fran-la
San fran-phoenix
New york-florica
Newyork-london
Newyork-liverpool
New york-denmark
Paris-new york
Road trips:
Nyc-vermont
Ny-maine
Ny-michigan
Ny-la
Sf-oregon
Ny-florida
Boys
Daniel
Pete
Mike
Mike
Times ive moved
Maple dr. – wainwright st.
Wainwright st - italy
Italy-wainwright st.
Wainwright st.-14th st.
14th – 11th st.
11th st – wainwright st.
wainwright st. – 33rd st.
33rd st – 3 mile hollow
3 mile hollow – 83rd st
83rd st – 14th st.
14th st – 83rd st
83rd st – larkin st
larkin st – cabin dr.
cabin dr – bessy st.
bessy st. – oak crest
97 – moved to ny. London, Applied to purchase
98 – suny purchase – art history, discovered nyc – broadway - museums, acting school, Elizabeth in rye,
99 – purchase, friends, pete, summer in italy, Europe with anna, photography class
00 – move to manhattan, prn, mike, photography
01 – radiohead, wtc, rye, abc, marcos party, Olivia visit
02 – 33rd st., robin, becky, laurie, 83rd st.
03 – prn, kat, stuart, 14th st, wellbutrin, robin, liverpool
04 – robin, mom thanksgiving, marathon,
05 – Alaska, ny-sf, Rowdy, car, beaches
06 – san Francisco city. Start company rowdy knits.
floaters
"floating like a fat girl while the sun went down" is my new favorite thing to say.
because that is how i've been closing my days. let my hair down, slither into the pool quietly after everyone else is gone. and float like a fat girl. while the sun goes down.
i like to listen to my breathing. and push around the water. look at the leaves at the bottom. pick at my toenailpolish.
i might pretend that i am high on e. and that i can feel every molecule of water on every cell of my epidermal layer.
i might pretend that i am on my honeymoon. and pose for pictures that my husband is taking of me from his lounge chair. i pose like that woman from the 80's with her hair slicked back and the diamonds in her ear lobes. diamonds.
the whole trip reflects like a diamond.
and then i go back to floating like a fat girl as the sun goes down. slowily watching the stars appear and sky go darker shade of blue.
this photo is from cobrasnake.
because that is how i've been closing my days. let my hair down, slither into the pool quietly after everyone else is gone. and float like a fat girl. while the sun goes down.
i like to listen to my breathing. and push around the water. look at the leaves at the bottom. pick at my toenailpolish.
i might pretend that i am high on e. and that i can feel every molecule of water on every cell of my epidermal layer.
i might pretend that i am on my honeymoon. and pose for pictures that my husband is taking of me from his lounge chair. i pose like that woman from the 80's with her hair slicked back and the diamonds in her ear lobes. diamonds.
the whole trip reflects like a diamond.
and then i go back to floating like a fat girl as the sun goes down. slowily watching the stars appear and sky go darker shade of blue.
this photo is from cobrasnake.
changing of the gaurds
walking home from the farmers market. cutting lilacs along the way.
letting the dog off the leash to pee freely on growing trees.
panting up the hill to my house while a neighbor cleans to Neil Young.
spending 9 dollars on bursting sugar snap peas from the asian family farm.
putting off cleaning strawberries because of the urge to jump in the pool.
working on tans. working on photos.
pouring water bottles on the dog.
putting on your garden shoes to gather more flowers for around the house.
letting the dog off the leash to pee freely on growing trees.
panting up the hill to my house while a neighbor cleans to Neil Young.
spending 9 dollars on bursting sugar snap peas from the asian family farm.
putting off cleaning strawberries because of the urge to jump in the pool.
working on tans. working on photos.
pouring water bottles on the dog.
putting on your garden shoes to gather more flowers for around the house.
so this is california
pool pool pool
collars leash pool
sand dirt grass
water pool car
car pool gas
bike tire cash
pool pool pool
water clear blue
tan burn skin
hair blonde tail
sugar snap pea
pool pool pool
collars leash pool
sand dirt grass
water pool car
car pool gas
bike tire cash
pool pool pool
water clear blue
tan burn skin
hair blonde tail
sugar snap pea
pool pool pool
been away from your house.
you know the guy who goes to every show and laughs really loud at every joke the band might make??
unfortunately that guy went to this show too.
i can't stop playing this though. its my favorite song right now. a recluse from my college wrote and sings. when i emailed him for the lyrics, he sent them:
the lyrics, fairly ridiculous but composed in a delirium.
i don't shave, i shed and eat the whiskers
waiting in line at the overhang dealership
all light long
if all roads lead to home then let me spin
and keep your hoodoo, keep your deals
all light long
i was an altruistic peasant now a cold unfeeling king
i sold my heart in exchange for nothing
all light long
and then the lights came - all in together now
(then the lights came) fall in together now
and stay
all light long
i've been away from your house way too long.
i drove my paintings crazy, i drove my plymouth to the levee
bu the levee wasn't there - so idled
all light long
and upon returing to the house of god i had to wade through the water
and it carried me for miles
all light long
i've been away from your house way too long.
unfortunately that guy went to this show too.
i can't stop playing this though. its my favorite song right now. a recluse from my college wrote and sings. when i emailed him for the lyrics, he sent them:
the lyrics, fairly ridiculous but composed in a delirium.
i don't shave, i shed and eat the whiskers
waiting in line at the overhang dealership
all light long
if all roads lead to home then let me spin
and keep your hoodoo, keep your deals
all light long
i was an altruistic peasant now a cold unfeeling king
i sold my heart in exchange for nothing
all light long
and then the lights came - all in together now
(then the lights came) fall in together now
and stay
all light long
i've been away from your house way too long.
i drove my paintings crazy, i drove my plymouth to the levee
bu the levee wasn't there - so idled
all light long
and upon returing to the house of god i had to wade through the water
and it carried me for miles
all light long
i've been away from your house way too long.
life is like an inbox. well, life IS an inbox. imagine how much of your life would be an inbox if you lived alone in the boonies. you would be totally reliant on an inbox. well, if you were a person that wanted to keep contact with the outside world, yet still live in the boonies...
sometimes you are flooded with messages.
sometimes you are empty.
sometimes you are spam.
sometimes you are love.
inbox.
wikipedia has nothing to say about the origin of "inbox". i image it was a word created by midtown secretaries in the 50's.
sometimes you are flooded with messages.
sometimes you are empty.
sometimes you are spam.
sometimes you are love.
inbox.
wikipedia has nothing to say about the origin of "inbox". i image it was a word created by midtown secretaries in the 50's.
see sometimes life happens to us, and sometimes we happen to life. like for instance, i would still be living at the women's housing facility on 13th street had it not decided to shut its doors after 80 years.
Oh. My Eggo just popped up.
back in new york, i feel like i have no identity unless i've got some kind of internet monologue going on. would myspace be considered a dialogue or a monologue?
even though i only left new york last year, i've pretty much returned every 6 months. My first return was the one that was the most weird. i pretty much did everything in silence. i was very nostalgic to smell the air and enjoy the lack of sky.
the 2nd visit was quick. I had the necessary drinks with the friends that I needed to solidify. Attended a wedding, and rode way to many trains, cars, planes, you name it.
this current visit. visit number 3 has really sealed the deal. its become more of a tourists idea. most everyone has moved away. this has been the most crucial visit and a perfect way to end the year - that was mostly filled with slight doubt about my california decision - and given me the confidence that i have made the right choice. that, in and of itself has healed my bug bites, and brightened my teeth.
Oh. My Eggo just popped up.
back in new york, i feel like i have no identity unless i've got some kind of internet monologue going on. would myspace be considered a dialogue or a monologue?
even though i only left new york last year, i've pretty much returned every 6 months. My first return was the one that was the most weird. i pretty much did everything in silence. i was very nostalgic to smell the air and enjoy the lack of sky.
the 2nd visit was quick. I had the necessary drinks with the friends that I needed to solidify. Attended a wedding, and rode way to many trains, cars, planes, you name it.
this current visit. visit number 3 has really sealed the deal. its become more of a tourists idea. most everyone has moved away. this has been the most crucial visit and a perfect way to end the year - that was mostly filled with slight doubt about my california decision - and given me the confidence that i have made the right choice. that, in and of itself has healed my bug bites, and brightened my teeth.
sunday
lyrics - do you have a little time, do you have a little time for me.
i don't write anymore, because i don't sit at a desk.
i'm bored with everything. i am just waiting to settle with someone. everyone asks about it. i was thinking about going out tonight to a bar, but i really don't feel like going alone. i got so much done at the house tonight. a lot of cleaning, and laundry and grocery shopping.
other than that, its been a boring day. rowdy's been cool.
week of food:
breakfast - egg
lunch - pbj
dinner - salad & meat
i don't write anymore, because i don't sit at a desk.
i'm bored with everything. i am just waiting to settle with someone. everyone asks about it. i was thinking about going out tonight to a bar, but i really don't feel like going alone. i got so much done at the house tonight. a lot of cleaning, and laundry and grocery shopping.
other than that, its been a boring day. rowdy's been cool.
week of food:
breakfast - egg
lunch - pbj
dinner - salad & meat
i had a dream last nigth that i saw the tall boy, and he was wearing a postal workers uniform. he said he switch jobs because the pay was more, and the job allowed him more time a the end of the day to mountain bike.
also, there was no denying his interest in me still. i was working at the knit shop, and wrote a message on the wall. while i was away, he filled in the message with a bunch of written stuff. he wasn't the worlds best writer, but it was him making an effort.
every time i would go to read the note, i would get distracted.
his pants were too short.
also, there was no denying his interest in me still. i was working at the knit shop, and wrote a message on the wall. while i was away, he filled in the message with a bunch of written stuff. he wasn't the worlds best writer, but it was him making an effort.
every time i would go to read the note, i would get distracted.
his pants were too short.
it seems like we were all raising each other.
when you are alone in new york, you look for someone to raise and someone to raise you. you have an older figure and a younger figure.
especially true for twenty somethings today.
when you leave new york; you leave those figures, and theres the test.
will you survive.
out there.
in the wilds of the west.
what will you make of yourself.
that is now the question the i know the answer to, but something i am now starting to try to figure out.
i was thinking today that we are all stories. meeting other stories. meeting other stories.
sometimes you like someone's story so much, that you sit down, and decide you want to spend a lot of time with this story. sounds fun. sound adventurous, sounds like something i would like to contribue to.
so you do.
and you contribute. and you contribute. and then you contribute.
then one day you've contibuted all you can.
and they are still silent. bored. boring.
next.
oh. and i think we are all turning into computers.
when you are alone in new york, you look for someone to raise and someone to raise you. you have an older figure and a younger figure.
especially true for twenty somethings today.
when you leave new york; you leave those figures, and theres the test.
will you survive.
out there.
in the wilds of the west.
what will you make of yourself.
that is now the question the i know the answer to, but something i am now starting to try to figure out.
i was thinking today that we are all stories. meeting other stories. meeting other stories.
sometimes you like someone's story so much, that you sit down, and decide you want to spend a lot of time with this story. sounds fun. sound adventurous, sounds like something i would like to contribue to.
so you do.
and you contribute. and you contribute. and then you contribute.
then one day you've contibuted all you can.
and they are still silent. bored. boring.
next.
oh. and i think we are all turning into computers.
there is a song that i heard during the credits of six feet under tonight. i remembered to look it up once i got home, and was happy to find that the song is called cold wind - and its by the arcade fire. i adore arcade fire, so its a good thing all around.
i like one part of the song where they say "and if you go to san francisco, lay. some. flowers. on. the gravestone.
cold wind blowin.
very fitting for the overly dramatic six feet under. but worth the ninety nine cent d.l.
sometimes i write out numbers because i never learned to type numbers in typing class. so i always get them wrong. i got bored when it came to the numbers lesson. it was boring.
once i sent an email to mr. beeson, thanking him for teaching the typing class at our high school. knowing the keyboard has been an advantage all-around. its just easier. i can type in teh dark, like i am doing now from the depths of my bed. in the dark of my room.
i opened up today - to only get a full-on denial of pretty much everything. that was exciting. really fucking tragic. i feel like breaking vases again. i mean tragic vases. so i finally opened up. and the recipient sat on my lap, played with my hair, whilst telling me to "spit it out deer". so there i sat, biting my tears. choking it out. grinding my teeth for an explanation as to how i could be so clueless, and him so ruthless. wow.
i tell my best friend in nyc about it, and he later sent me a one word text message: sorry.
if your going to san francisco. lay. some. flowers. on. the gravestone.
tomorrow i plan on running some of this anger out of me. and then i plan on taking my dog to the beach, flying a kite, and working on my silk sea scarf. that will be a fulfilling day. full of breaks and pauses. maybe a joint. hopefully a joint.
joint effort of course.
calilies grow wild here. they grow wild. so do other lillies. lilly of the valley grows wild. with actual abundance. i have about five vases of flowers going at one time. i have an idea for a ecalyptus wreath.
joint effort.
how many days will it take to land.
how many days to reach abandon.
oh. abandon.
i like one part of the song where they say "and if you go to san francisco, lay. some. flowers. on. the gravestone.
cold wind blowin.
very fitting for the overly dramatic six feet under. but worth the ninety nine cent d.l.
sometimes i write out numbers because i never learned to type numbers in typing class. so i always get them wrong. i got bored when it came to the numbers lesson. it was boring.
once i sent an email to mr. beeson, thanking him for teaching the typing class at our high school. knowing the keyboard has been an advantage all-around. its just easier. i can type in teh dark, like i am doing now from the depths of my bed. in the dark of my room.
i opened up today - to only get a full-on denial of pretty much everything. that was exciting. really fucking tragic. i feel like breaking vases again. i mean tragic vases. so i finally opened up. and the recipient sat on my lap, played with my hair, whilst telling me to "spit it out deer". so there i sat, biting my tears. choking it out. grinding my teeth for an explanation as to how i could be so clueless, and him so ruthless. wow.
i tell my best friend in nyc about it, and he later sent me a one word text message: sorry.
if your going to san francisco. lay. some. flowers. on. the gravestone.
tomorrow i plan on running some of this anger out of me. and then i plan on taking my dog to the beach, flying a kite, and working on my silk sea scarf. that will be a fulfilling day. full of breaks and pauses. maybe a joint. hopefully a joint.
joint effort of course.
calilies grow wild here. they grow wild. so do other lillies. lilly of the valley grows wild. with actual abundance. i have about five vases of flowers going at one time. i have an idea for a ecalyptus wreath.
joint effort.
how many days will it take to land.
how many days to reach abandon.
oh. abandon.
there is a yellow cloud filled with mucous on my eyeball. to the right of the green part. on the white round part.
isn't that strange? so after a few modified googles, i read that it is a normal thing that one might get when they have extra mucous in the body. like a stuffed up nose, or a scratchy coughy throat.
a google search that started with "eye cancer" and ended with "eyeball".
isn't that strange? so after a few modified googles, i read that it is a normal thing that one might get when they have extra mucous in the body. like a stuffed up nose, or a scratchy coughy throat.
a google search that started with "eye cancer" and ended with "eyeball".
recover post recover post recover post
bright apple bright apple bright apple bright apple
there are 5 people in my house. 2 of us are awake.
tossing and coughing over feelings hurt and milk that never got spilt.
there is another person that is high. sure, he's asleep, but i wouldn't doubt he's asleep high.
however that works out.
there are two other people - of blood relation - sleeping.
one silent. one not.
and then there is a dog.
sleeping when he is tired. walking when he wants to walk.
catching balls with his teeth.
bright apple bright apple bright apple bright apple
there are 5 people in my house. 2 of us are awake.
tossing and coughing over feelings hurt and milk that never got spilt.
there is another person that is high. sure, he's asleep, but i wouldn't doubt he's asleep high.
however that works out.
there are two other people - of blood relation - sleeping.
one silent. one not.
and then there is a dog.
sleeping when he is tired. walking when he wants to walk.
catching balls with his teeth.
there is a new chubby girl at the house. she drove from santa rosa tonight in the rain.
he likes those girls with chubby bodies, and rosey faces. she's chubby with a rosey face.
my dog took a liking to her, but me being the selfish twat that i am, walked out into the living room and took my moochey dog away from her chubby side.
now he breathes deeply beside my legs, as she coughs on his smoke.
they called me from seven eleven to ask me what i wanted since they didn't have charleston chew nor peanut butter m and m's.
twix i said. carmel of course.
he likes those girls with chubby bodies, and rosey faces. she's chubby with a rosey face.
my dog took a liking to her, but me being the selfish twat that i am, walked out into the living room and took my moochey dog away from her chubby side.
now he breathes deeply beside my legs, as she coughs on his smoke.
they called me from seven eleven to ask me what i wanted since they didn't have charleston chew nor peanut butter m and m's.
twix i said. carmel of course.
last of the burritos
i registered for something today that i registered for one year ago.
to the date. she said as she marked my new number, and said it was two bigger than the old number.
i told her it was okay because it has been a year.
yes. to the date.
and then i drove back down the redwood highway. i was going to be a good girl and drive right on past the baja fresh, but then made the exit and ten minutes later was tearing apart a baja burrito at baja fresh. express. i had never been to baja fresh, and now i have. so now that i have crossed that one off the list, i really don't have any other burrito joints that i haven't tackled in the north bay.
restaurants i still have to try:
fish - the sausa
buckeye roadhouse
marin joes
thats about it.
my dog was so pushy today. pushing up against me. it was all i could do to grab him with a bear hug and just hold the poor thing. such a lover he is. so i held him for a while, and told him i loved him.
last night i watched the tao of steve. the fatist comment got my panties all bunched up. once again, once again. women can be fat, but men cant. please. give it a rest.
to the date. she said as she marked my new number, and said it was two bigger than the old number.
i told her it was okay because it has been a year.
yes. to the date.
and then i drove back down the redwood highway. i was going to be a good girl and drive right on past the baja fresh, but then made the exit and ten minutes later was tearing apart a baja burrito at baja fresh. express. i had never been to baja fresh, and now i have. so now that i have crossed that one off the list, i really don't have any other burrito joints that i haven't tackled in the north bay.
restaurants i still have to try:
fish - the sausa
buckeye roadhouse
marin joes
thats about it.
my dog was so pushy today. pushing up against me. it was all i could do to grab him with a bear hug and just hold the poor thing. such a lover he is. so i held him for a while, and told him i loved him.
last night i watched the tao of steve. the fatist comment got my panties all bunched up. once again, once again. women can be fat, but men cant. please. give it a rest.
she liked to push me.
songs for silverman is one of my favorite albums of 2005. well its merging into 2006 - so maybe i will like it better in oh six, but for right now, since i discovered it in oh five, i'm sticking with putting it in the top ten.
howard stern was on larry king tonight. he was talking about how fun it was to simply pick up his receiver on new years day and just give it a whole stream of consciousness about whateverness.
miles and miles and the sun's going down.
that is what is playing in the background as i pull a howard stern here on this computer.
my roommate is riding his motorcycle right now on tiburon blvd., to pick up a movie for us to watch. he found out that i had yet to see the wedding crashers, and thought he should be the young steed he is, and mount his bike and go and fetch the goods for the fair maiden.
we are also waiting for a woman in san raffie to call us back about a puppy we might be getting.
i'm just now finding out what it was all about.
we moved to teh west coast
away from everyone
i think i hear his bike. he doesn't care about blogs or emails or computers. he doesn't even know what a blog is.
one of those.
anyway. i'm going to go watch the wedding crashers. but first i'll give you my top five albums that i enjoyed during 2005.
1. wilco - a ghost is born
2. springsteen - nebraska
3. college dropout - kanye
4. outkast - speakerboxx
5. why does there have to be five? i'm stumped. forget five. i'm going with four.
howard stern was on larry king tonight. he was talking about how fun it was to simply pick up his receiver on new years day and just give it a whole stream of consciousness about whateverness.
miles and miles and the sun's going down.
that is what is playing in the background as i pull a howard stern here on this computer.
my roommate is riding his motorcycle right now on tiburon blvd., to pick up a movie for us to watch. he found out that i had yet to see the wedding crashers, and thought he should be the young steed he is, and mount his bike and go and fetch the goods for the fair maiden.
we are also waiting for a woman in san raffie to call us back about a puppy we might be getting.
i'm just now finding out what it was all about.
we moved to teh west coast
away from everyone
i think i hear his bike. he doesn't care about blogs or emails or computers. he doesn't even know what a blog is.
one of those.
anyway. i'm going to go watch the wedding crashers. but first i'll give you my top five albums that i enjoyed during 2005.
1. wilco - a ghost is born
2. springsteen - nebraska
3. college dropout - kanye
4. outkast - speakerboxx
5. why does there have to be five? i'm stumped. forget five. i'm going with four.
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