2 nights 2 days

hi. i left work on Friday at 5:30. Started working on my website at 6.
kept working on it until 1am.
woke up at 8am. worked on my website.
took rowdy for a walk. picked up geo. took an hour nap.
worked on my website until 12am.
woke up at 8. worked on my website.
took rowdy to the pond. walked around the farmers market. made a bagel cheese avocado sandwich.
worked on my website until now.

my hand has carpel tunnel, and my neck has a crink.

but i've got a website! so. at this point in time, i still have to do the "about me" section - which will include blogs, etc.

please visit.


oh dear..............


i've listened to every live recording of st. ides heaven. this is the best one.

the moon is light bulb breaking.
it will go around with. anyone.
but it wont come down. for. anyone.

more elliott smith. current obsession. after the fact unfortunately........

Oh Dear!


what if some lives are simply meant to be remembered.
those canonized after death.
so basically, if they ever did get recognized, it probably would have spoiled their angst.
their thoughts on not making it.
the takes on loneliness.
and tears of heartbreak.
never being recognized.for anything really.
no lotto win.
no new dishwasher.
no grocery bonus from the grocery store for using your own bag instead of theirs - making you stressed out while you carry the eggs home. in your purse.
no public handholding

never really succeeding at anything
is a kind of life too. right?
a way of life.

zero zero zero zero

nothing. zip. nada.

9 days sober

wow i just ate a chocolate that said it was cookie dough covered in chocolate. it tasted like medicine. of a dishwash kind...

at work i am friends with people 20 years older than me. the people closer to my age are well, mean. and they whisper and glance. and they don't really smile all that much. i try to stick with the people who smile, and when you walk by them, they don't scowl - they whisper "you look beautiful when you smile. hold your head up and smile."

today while having lunch with one of those gorgeous co-workers, i listened while she talked about her engagement to someone 20 years older than her.
as i listened and look at her, i realized -
wow. life is long. wow. i mean, i have so much more to go.
i felt so lucky to have her as a friend.

and that is when i realized that i would look back and wish i would have known what i know now.

when you have those brief moments where you realize just how young and just how long this life is.
you straighten your pants, pull up your socks, tuck in your shirt, and try to muster all the knowledge you could possibly contribute to that instant.

trying to know what we know now can be a lot of work!

and then back to normal time. maybe a 4/4 measure. of just being in the moment.

i have 20 dollars. i will get something within 20 dollars.
i have a slice of bread. i will eat something with a slice of bread.
i have to take a walk. i will take a walk.
i have a song. i will play a song.

electronic baby

tonight at dinner kristin and i sat at the table next to a healthy couple who chat chat chatted away.
while their baby of about 1.5 years, held an iphone with cartoons playing.
i was shocked the baby could even "grab" or "hold", being that the thing couldn't really speak yet........
even still, it watched iphone cartoons, while chatty chat and chatticus chatter chatted along and hand diamonds flashed.

oops! baby hit the iphone screen. looks confused to mama.
no worry baby. i'll fix it for you. well here, actually i'll show YOU how to get back to the screen.
i can't be bothered.
whew. cartoon back on.

what where you saying about chatty chat?

i love the way your diamond catches the light.


spark. spizz. spop.

my aunt georgia is on myspace under alaskan lady.

i'm freaking out now.

candy heats her eats with fingers that are divided into pudgy segments. with oval fingernails sculpted onto her fingertips.

carolyn accepted joes engagement proposition. where will you live? marin or the city?

maybe both.

he's older. by 20 years. so that makes him 70. what a life. i can't even imagine 40. its great how young i feel with marin folk. young. and stupid.

i've been thinking about stars. and selling cars. and once i get enough cars sold, i'll win a new car in the company contest. and then rowdy and i will drive to LA. and i'll have enough to survive. for a while. and then i'll get my quiet photo job. and we can be fancy on nights when we feel it. and beach on days when we reel it.

walking driving turning parking sucking shucking hucking sunning.

vincing vaughning abbying dancing deducing mocking driving turning.

stopping going drinking meeting.

eating poking prodding laughing shining dipping.


cute nose. white tee. round spectacles. bowl haircut. 40 inch waist. 5'11 maybe 12.
so nervous as you asked me if i wanted the room to be dimmed.
fumbling with your computer screen.
stuttering about the confidentiality.
first marinite who had me wondering a words definition.
for some reason i walked away thinking you might be the one who needs what you gave me.
after asking permission of course.
i was unfortunately had to be the glass. and in the end it will all be based on permissions. and of course the coins that you so hesitantly gave me 300 of.


i've decided to pick a year, and be obsessed with it for a week or maybe 2 hours.

current year is 46.

reading that diane keaton, oliver stone, and suzane somers were born that year caused me to go "wow".

whats so great about being born?

and then gertrude stein, alfred steiglitz and w.c. fields all died. another wow.

garbage in garbage out.

world war 2 was officially over.


there was a black string thong laying on the garage floor, next to the head boss' porshe today.
you had to pass the dropped thong on the way to work, as it was also laying next to the door the building.
it was the talk of the town.
sure we all want it to be something insane,
but most likely it was a result of static cling.

a certain cling.