did you know for a while there, i couldn't watch movies that were filmed in new york - or had anything to DO with new york? i ended my new yorker subscription, and stopped reading the nytimes. why? i didn't want to self inflict - what my friend & i had termed - "new york pain".

that is how much i love new york. and loved new york. fully. when i left, i remember driving in the cab to the airport, wondering why exactly i was leaving. what was i thinking?

i knew however, that i needed to try something different - get a dog, have a car, see what california was all about.

it has since been 5 years. i booked my ticket for a long weekend in october, today. i'm excited.

more later.

friday music

fiery furnaces are spot on. just got the album I'M GOING AWAY. love track two - drive to dallas.

their website is cool too.

here is them. doesn't this picture look like the epitome of every relationship? i love it.

gorillaz = empireants

listen to this song today. put your speakers on the best best settings. hold on for the first 2 minutes, and then dance around like the freak you are.

Discover Simple, Private Sharing at

Oh, joys are us, the sun has come again to hold you
Sailing out the doldrums of the week
The polyphonic prayer is here, it's all around you
It's all around you out here

And if the whole world is crashing down on you
Fall through space, out of mind with me
Where the emptiness we leave behind on warm air rising
Blows all the shadows far away

The falling of the whole empire, it's here to hold you
Rolling out and haunted till it sinks

Noodle (Little Dragon):

Little memories, marching on
Your little feet working the machine
Will it spin? Will it soar?
My little dream working the machine

Soon, like a wave
That pass will fall
Closing in on you
They're going on

Little memories
Your little feet working the machine
Will it spin? Will it soar?
My little dream working the machine

Soon, like a wave
That pass will fall
Closing in on you
They're going on


episode 408 of madmen is so far my favorite. we were treated with a new voice-over - a new don on the mend - and a new outlook. loved the pensive thoughts. the writing things down - the turn in narrative.

LOOOOOOOOVED the floating-in-the-pool scene. love that stuff.

quotes i had to go back to and record:

(on swimming)
"its an effort to get in the water, but once you do, you are weightless and you don't even sweat. Then, in the end, you are rung out." and then she looks at him and says: "i've been looking forward to this." LOVE THAT.

"we are flawed because we want so much more.
we are ruined because we get these things, and wish for what we had."

and i also loved the quote about sleeping alone - about always having cold spots to look forward too, to warm.

its don on the mend, and its hot.

i always love gawker's reviews. adds lots of humor and insight.


i was just sitting here reading about 9/11 on the website.

quick sidenote:
9/11 is a part of my history, along with a gazillion other people. at the time of the event, i was in the village of nyc, & i made the decision to put my camera down, and open my eyes to experience it without my camera. plus, people were literally walking the streets looking for loved ones - it seems wrong to push a camera in their face. so. i have no pictures of 9/11. well, i think i took 1, but i can't find it now. ok, back to my thought.

so i was reading 9/ just out of curiosity. i like to see what other people think, etc.

and then.......... i imagined a plane, flying into my building, flying over me, crashing, killing, etc. from my desk, i could see some key people on the plane, trying to give me a message before they died - screaming - a key message. and then i died and was standing in heaven. but heaven was instead chaos. complete chaos because now that i had seen this secret, i was in this busy newsroom of heaven, trying to touch people on earth and tell them the secret that i had witnessed on the plane before i died. everyone on earth was trying to figure it out - while all of us in heaven knew the answer - so it was very frustrating & frenzied.

my idea here is this - what if there is a part of heaven that is like the WIRE - where everything is chaos, and its people trapped with a secret - trying to make the secret known to the rest of the world, etc.

i guess that would be hell? but if that chaos didn't exist, wouldn't heaven be kind of boring? what are people doing in heaven if that type of frenzy doesn't exist? what if earth is really the best place, and everyone in heaven wants to get back down to earth?

just that random daydream at my desk, made me really happy to be here today.

JSF @cityartslectures

i have a random snobby intellectual side that gets giddy about things like library additions (hooray kenai library) & lectures... for instance, back in 1998 i used to attend tapings of inside the actors studio - before poor james lipton was mocked on SNL, or creative writing workshops where you work through your repression by writing about wind with a bunch of other people wearing tortoise shelled spectacles... you get the point.

ok. soooooooo i'm reaaaaaaaaaly excited about getting tickets to the city arts & lectures taping of Jonathan Safran Foer. My friend and I wanted to also attend Judd Apatow and Mark Bittman - but they were OBVIOUSLY sold out.

City Arts & Lectures is always so perfectly pretentious and insightful. last fall it quickly became my FAVORITE radio show. it always aired after my random yoga class. i had just gotten the miata. it was september. the sun was setting around 7pm - during yoga. after class, it was dark, but the air was still warm. i would drive around, with the top down, so proud and happy to have a convertible, and listen to the calming voices and stories on City Arts & Lectures. My favorite guest at that time was the man (i forget his name!) who had all of the stories of his travels through Tibet, and India, and China! Such an insightful, calm man. I love the way the audience sounds - educated - laughing at the "inside jokes". Its one of those radio shows that makes the nerds of the Bay Area feel accepted & where we can all listen together and laugh & learn.

anyway - i'm excited to attend and see what the audience is like. JSF is my age. he is brilliant, kind, and gastronomical. oh, and he's cute. :)